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What’s Your Parenting Style?

 

Its My Generation want to get to know you a little bit better. This article explores the different styles of parenting that we witness every day and we want to know which style you or your partner fall under. It’s My Generation presents ‘What’s Your Parenting Style?’, a detailed anthropological study of the rapidly breeding species of homos parentus.

 

The Headmaster

Identifiable by: Trademark behaviours of a fascist dictator.

Mating call: “You’re going to do this and you’re going to like it.”

This parenting style can be highly deceiving – they may appear normal at first sight, with their sensible dress and politeness of manner, but behind closed doors, this parent has a strict if not somewhat tyrranical control over their child’s day-to-day activities. They have their children’s best interests at heart but, if the kids are seen to be misbehaving, the TV, comfort blanket and access to ChildLine will be the first things to go.

 

The Pressure Parent

Identifiable by: Vicarious living through their children’s successes.

Mating call: “I only want what’s best for you. You know that, don’t you?”

This kind of parent can often be seen with a chip on the shoulder from a lifetime of unfulfilled aspirations – but this can be dealt with easily by ensuring that your child achieves these dreams on your behalf. Whether it’s a career in medicine or a stint on the pageant circuit, you’ve dreamt of this your whole life and your child can have this dream too.

 

The Beatnik

Identifiable by: An abject resistance of ‘conformist’ parenting.

Mating call: “’Parent’? That’s so bourgeois – I prefer the term ‘spiritual counsellor’”

Some of these behaviours may often seem neglectful, but this parenting style is all about giving their child the most freedom possible to find out who they are and what they want to do for themselves. This style of parenting does admittedly have great potential to backfire, like when the kids accidently eat some of their mother’s diet pills or when you discover they haven’t completed any homework for approximately 9 months.

 

The Workaholic

Identifiable by: Their illegitimate children by the names of iPad and Smartphone.

Mating call: “This is a very important call.”

When pressured, the Workaholic parent might admit that the children were their partner’s idea. This style of parenting is stuck in pre-child mode where they live for their business and have the freedom to do so. They can be heard speaking to their children in the same way they would to their secretary, perhaps even asking the kids to schedule an appointment for playtime – you’ll get back to them at your earliest convenience.

 

The Coddler

Identifiable by: Unreasonably close proximity to their children at all times.

Mating call: “Closer, a little closer. That’s better – actually no, a little closer.”

A constant worrier that their child could fall down at any given moment and, if that was to happen, it would be end of days. Everyone knows that children sustain critical injuries the moment they’re out of sight, so this is a perfectly reasonable course of action. Sometimes when they’re feeling a little more free-spirited and adventurous, the Coddler can be seen around the park with their child on a foot-long lead for safe, controlled fun.

 

Parent Pan

Identifiable by: Being the tallest of the children.

Mating call: “Let’s do the slide again!”

Clinging desperately onto their youth in any way humanly possible, this parenting style is often found on young parents who still like to play the same games as their child (and perhaps dress their dog in a maid’s outfit). They spend the vast majority of their time interacting with their own children, and indeed the children of others, but this is largely due to an inherent resistance to the aging process and an altogether neglect of grown-up duties.

 

Do any of these sound like you, or any of your parental friends? Are you a child who has fallen victim to any of these parenting methods and looking for an outlet? Let us know in the comments.

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